In 2006 Tim, Mae, and I lived in a tiny little apartment in Gillette Wy. Having lived there the longest we got to see a fun turn over of neighbors. We became known to everyone in the building as the "Religious People", who if you talked to us we would try to either get you to our church or get you to talk to our missionaries.
Generally that was laughed off because as soon as people met us they realized we weren't TOO scary! Also the fact that Mae was a chubby two year old with golden curls that told EVERYONE she loved them didn't hurt either.
During this time I was pregnant with Eliza, and working a 3:am newspaper route, we really were busting at the seams in that tiny home, and Tim wishing he was in school was working 13-15 hour days. We had no right whatsoever to be happy.
During this time we also had a very sweet, beautiful, American Indian, Grandmother living in the Apartment below us. She had moved to the area to become a nurse at the local hospital. she lived by herself and knowing that any Grandma living by herself would love a two year old, I introduced her to Mae! It was love at first sight of course.
She taught me some yummy new recipes, and I took her to church with me. Needless to say we were good friends.
One day I went down to visit her and she was looking very tired and discouraged.
Her daughter who lived in another state was in trouble with life, and my grandmother friend could not get to her to take care of her.
I offered what words of comfort I could, saying that even though I could not relate to what she was going through I was sure My mother or Tim's mother could. Considering both Tim and I were in Wyoming alone and our parents were living in South Carolina and Georgia!!
She started to laugh! I thought I was being pretty sympathetic and she was laughing! I was confused.
"What's the joke?", I asked.
She replied, " I don't want you to be embarrassed, but from what I can hear through my ceiling, your parents have nothing to worry about!"
HOLY CRUD! I thought. What the heck has she heard?!?!?!
From the look on my face she must have guessed what I was thinking because she hastily said,
" Don't worry, its nothing bad, I just constantly hear ALL of you laughing, and sometimes when the window is open I can hear you say your family prayers.
I think to myself, what can these poor children who are struggling to get by, and have no family near, possibly have to laugh about?"
I started to laugh myself at the irony, and told her more about the church and our wonderful family support through our ward, and that saying our prayers together was one of the many things we did to keep a happy spirit in our home.
We joked some more and Mae and I left her a little more cheerful than we found her.
I was thinking of this story last week as I was laughing at something a friend had posted online.
I thought, "Man it feels good to laugh!"
I then realized I don't laugh as much as I used too.
Why?
Is reality finally catching up to me , as Tim and I work like crazy to make ends meet, we are barely surviving, and like before I'm pregnant and not much help.
I'm not as happy as I was and I don't know why. I think I'm being put through a test to see how I'll handle different circumstances, but the same problems. I'm making a goal to hold my past self (and other great women I know of) up as examples to myself.
Perhaps that will help my disposition and attitude improve.
I want this baby to come out and hear mama's laugh and know what it is.
If the next time you see me laughing and you cant tell why, just think, "she's not crazy, she's happy, and that's what important!"
