I laughed so hard my side hurt!

The 11 Step Program For Those Who Want To Have Kids!!

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.

2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home.

4. Pick up the paper.

5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.

2. Lack of patience.

3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.

4. Allowing their children to run wild.

5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 3AM.

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.

2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.

4. Then rub them on the clean walls.

5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.

6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.

Leave it there.

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.

2. Make a small hole in the side.

3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.

5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.

6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!

Tom Sawyer, Luke Skywalker, and Timmy Stark

The three would get along fabulously. I knew I was in for some real differences of parenting when I had a baby boy. But nothing really could prepare me for this. One minute he's gutting his Daddies PDA, erasing all memory, then onto TAKING APART Mommies earrings right off her ear, then onto sister's toy, but because she cries about it he puts it right BACK TOGETHER and hands it to her! When were finished looking into all the technological devices in the house, we move onto how best to climb the bookshelves. Followed by going outside and becoming EXTREMELY dirty, because lets face it, if your gonna do something, do it thoroughly! The entire time he does these things he makes his own background noises, cars, choo-choo's, ruff-ruff's, everything. Now any naive person would say, "Well? Where were you when he was doing all this?" And any mother of more than two children would understand the insanity of cleaning up 2 1/2 mess's, while making lunch, kissing a boo-boo, tying a shoe, helping with math, answering the phone, and wiping a snotty nose all at the same time. Timmy will go full steam ahead until he drops. Then its the sweetest time of the day. He knows a bit of sign language, and he'll say what he wants and sign it at the same time. So when I hear, "Ma-Ma, Dog-Dog, Boo-Boo" I know its time to stop sit down and read his favorite Doggie Book. Which leads to the best snuggling ever. Nursing, then a nice nap. I love him so differently but not any more or less than his sisters. The Lord sent him to me at the perfect time, I love having a little boy! I know his Daddy feels the same way. So he's in danger of being a tad spoiled. So in that case were going to someday try for a little brother for him. People think I'm crazy for wanting so many kids, but when they are this much fun, I think they are the crazy ones for not wanting to join the fun!! BTW, what got me thinking all this is he's going to be one this week, crazy huh? Is it just me or did this year go by fast? ;)

Nonnies Birthday!

I think its a pretty big one for her,....the big 05, oh excuse me that's 50. hehe. Tim the kids and I all took her some flowers and chocolate cake and sang to her, I personally think she looks amazing for her age!!! Love you Mom!

When I went to the store for flowers I thought I could get her ones for a vase but those would die quickly, so we got her ones for the garden instead. Of course first thing she said when she saw that was, "yea, flowers I can kill myself!" lol!



Grandpa is my name spoiling is my game.



Uncle Daniel left his cake too close to Timmy, hehehe.

This look just says, "You gonna eat all that?"


Benefits to being 50;

You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

You sing along with elevator music.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

No one expects you to run anywhere.

People call at 9:00 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

You can eat dinner at 4:00 PM.

You can almost live without sex but not your glasses.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

You can't remember who told you about this list.

You notice these are all in big print for your convenience.

Old stuff

Here's an journal entry I did a few months ago, I thought I would share it on here, just because I like to share what my life is like during the school months. Summer is a little different with going to play-dates and Story time @ the library. Since I cant come up with any thing juicy to share here's something from my Homeschool Mommy journal. :)





Yes it is a job, the pay stinks and the hours are intense, but its the most rewarding job there is!

You see I wake up at about 3:am to nurse a crying four month old and kiss a hubby who has just come home from working third shift,
after unattractively falling back asleep with baby still attached, I wake up again at 7:am to welcome babysitting children sing "Good Morning Beautiful girls" to the messy headed grumpy faced teenager wanna be’s, they actually are five and three yr old beauties who "love" to be awoken!

As Dear Hubby rushes off to his 9:am class we get started on a day full of craft paint, glue, scissors, crayons, rocks, bubbles, string, flour, eggs, goldfish crackers, and anything else mommies crazy imagination can cook up! Mommy gets much inspiration from wonderful places like Five in a Row, Jumbo Alphabet book, the Iron Rod, and other noteworthy sources.

By noon were all crafted "funned" out, and sit down either outside or in to a lesiurley lunch of pb&j or what ever mommy has created!

We then take turns doing workbooks and one on one reading while the others build cities of blocks and use stickers to decor the walls.

Playing outside is fundemental in mommies sanity control! Needless to say on rainy days Mommy has to hide in the bathroom for a few minutes.

Nap time is loved, ah , I mean accomplished by those in need of it, Mommy exempted.
After which to earn a little computer time all kiddos do their chores!
Little do they realize that the computer time they love they are just doing more school work!
Muahahahaha, evil Mommy laugh!

By this time Dear Hubby has rejoined us only to go get some much needed sleep, and babysitting kids go home.

Dinner together is a must other wise, our world will fall down!
After cleaning up and playing with Daddy for a bit we pray together, kiss Daddy goodbye for the night, and ride off to dream land, where Mommy gets foot massages and the kitchen is always clean.

Sure there are days when our little world is turned upside down but that’s what makes this job exciting.

Did I say the pay stank? Well scratch that, the four month baby boy just learned to give kisses, the three year old just learned to write her name, and the five year old just told everyone at dance class that her Mommy was the best teacher ever.

The pay is awesome.

A Good Day!

The eldest of my younger brothers is getting married one week from today in Missouri. Our whole family had fallen in love with his fiance Tia Marie when they came down for a visit last year. Even though they hadn't announced their engagement yet we could all see it forthcoming. So being that we all loved her already we were so proud/happy to hear that she had decided to be baptized! She's such a strong person and has come a long way in her life I know were all proud of her. She told my brother that she wanted to be baptized in a river, because if it was good enough for Christ it was good enough for her. So here are the shots my brother got of Tia's Baptism in the Big Piney River in Missouri. (My brother is the one with Sunglasses on and unfortunately I don't know the names of the Elders.) I also love that in one of the pictures you can catch a glimpse of her engagement ring! lol!

Little Brother

Little Brother of Mine is in California on a mission, and he needs picture's and news so here's some updates for him to read! Love you David!!!


Tim is in summer school and very worn out, but going to have fun this week-end on a scout camp-out!


I'm good, Ive lost 21 pounds and I'm gonna look good for Philip's wedding in two weeks! (I'm more proud of myself for keeping my goal than losing weight really.)


Mae has grown alot which is a big deal for Miss Shorty. She got real brown cowboy boots and a red cowgirl hat, scarf, and cap guns for her b-day and hasn't taken them off in a week!


Liza is excited because I found her a Super-Girl cape and she's going to wear it to dance camp this summer.


Timmy has started scooting/army crawling and is soon on his way to real crawling. This makes Mommy sad. :( But he's known around town as the Stark HAPPY baby who is always smiling!


We all miss you, and last night for F.H.E. we talked about bearing testimonies, and the girls all agree that they want to come and help you on your mission by bearing their testimonies to everyone!


Hugs and Kisses!!! Love the Stark Family!

New Calling

Waaallllaaaa! A spot needed to be filled in primary, a sister is being released from her calling due to the impending birth of her new sweet baby. So the primary presidency looks over their list of people in need of a calling. (As you read remember I love my primary presidency but I think their a tad CRAZY.) ENTER, me, Sister Stark. I love kids, I need a calling, some of my best friends serve as teachers, happy, happy, happy! Ohhh, And I LOVE being in nursery, there is a nursery spot available, please God, put hide me in with the babies and let me play all day! P.S. I have NO music experience or background what so ever, so there's no chance anyone would ever consider me for a calling in music, right?!!!! RIGHT????? WRONG!!!! Oh SO Wrong! I my jaw hit the floor when I was asked to be the ward Primary Music Director. What is God thinking? What is the Primary Presidency thinking? They all know I cant carry a tune in a pick-up truck! I cant even read music! My memory is awful so I cant remember words, and not to mention the intense FEAR I have of speaking in front of people, even Little People! Then as the Icing on the cake they mention the end of the year sacrament music program,....sister Stark almost fainted in church. (For my non-member friends that's where the kids get in front of the entire congregation to sing, guess who gets to direct.) Well I did the only things I knew how, I prayed, and cried on Tim's shoulder. My prayers have been answered by way of, The Lord is trying to teach me something new, he wants me to learn. I've been hiding behind babies for too long. For some odd reason I have a VERY musical child, and I was going to let Tim take the lead in her music education, but I think the Lord is preparing me to be apart of her musical life. I have done my best the past few weeks. It was very rocky at first, with the older children pretending to be asleep, and telling me I wasn't doing something right, and the 5 yr. old sunbeams trying to get up and walk out, (I'd try to get away from my singing too.) But now I find myself putting on a show and performing each week now in fun new ways. With ALOT of support from the presidency, the pianist, and Tim, and help from the Lord I'm starting to fool myself into thinking I can do this! This website has also been a gift of God as well! I'm still coming home completely drained and I don't look forward to the next Sunday, but eventually it will turn around, and I'll look forward to hearing many beautiful voices. I have a firm testimony that the Lord gives callings for reason's and you never turn one down, so here's me doing my best on the calling that's the furthest thing from my talents there is. WAAALLLAAAA! (I do however get a bit of satisfaction thinking of Tim getting the baby for the majority of church. 'Evil Mommy Laugh'---Muuaahahahaha!!)

Easter!

My Camera memory card is full, amazing I know right! SO my sister was gracious enough to get a few fun shots of the kids Easter egg hunting at Nonnie and Pappy's house! We had a nice big meal and watched some classic favorites, the cartoon Easter story and seven brides for seven brothers, awesome movie's!
This is a quick blog because I need to get back to school for the day, so here are some pics of our Easter fun!